So What If I Drank A Liquor Store?
by DeanHeartsCas
Summary: Instead of Sam finding a drunk Castiel, it's Dean and he finds out just how depressed his angel really is. Established Dean/Cas. Set during Season 5, episode 17  99 Problems . I guess spoilers if you haven't seen S5.


**So What If I Drank A Liquor Store?**

Dean walked into the room, sighing as he closed the door. He leaned back against the wooden frame and closed his eyes, his head titled backwards. His whole body ached and he was tired. All he wanted to do was sleep everything off but there was no way he could it. He had a million and one things to do. His train of thought derailed as he heard movement in the dark room. His eyes snapped open, his hand instinctively reaching behind himself for the gun that was tucked into his jeans, and scanned the room. He spotted a dark figure stumble against the wall and pointed his .45 at it. Using his more commanding voice he questioned the figure.

''Who are you?''

''It's me.'' A barely recognisable voice replied back as the figure, which Dean now recognised as Castiel, moved towards the mini fridge that had come with the room. He pulled open the door and leaned down to look inside. Dean tucked his gun back into his jeans and walked forwards as that weird voice issued from Castiel's mouth again 'I got your message. It was long, your message.''

Dean stopped where he was and frowned. Something was different, something about Castiel had changed but Dean couldn't figure out what it was.

''What's wrong with you?'' As he asked this the angel slammed the door shut and stumbled backwards and realisation hit Dean. He knew that stumbling, Hell he'd done it enough himself. ''Are you... Are you drunk!''

Castiel turned to him with a look Dean had never seen before on that face, Sam however used it often. The look that told him Castiel thought he was asking a stupid question.

''No!'' He replied, before stumbling forwards and grabbing the room's small partition wall that separated the beds from the kitchen/dining area. Dean raised an eyebrow at him and Castiel rolled his eyes. ''Yes.''

Dean couldn't help but smirk at this. A drunken angel was a sight he thought impossible yet here Cas was, stumbling around with a slight dazed look on his face, his clothes rumpled more than ever.

''What the Hell happened to you?'' Dean asked, his hands resting on his hips in a way that made him look more like Sam than he'd like to admit.

With a sigh, Castiel closed his eyes. ''I found a liquor store.''

''And?''

''And I drank it!'' He retorted, his eyes opening and then squinting as he tried to focus on Dean. ''Why'd you call me?'' He asked before staggering forwards.

''Whoa, hey. Easy.'' One of Dean's hands came up to steady him and rest on his chest. He could feel the soft thud of the heart underneath his hands and the warm flesh hidden behind the white shirt. ''You okay?''

Castiel squinted some more as he finally focused on Dean, he leaned forwards and beckoned for Dean to lean closer too and whispered in his harsh yet slurred voice ''Don't ask stupid questions.''

Dean frowned again as Cas moved backwards and leaned against the table.

''Now tell me what you need.'' Castiel said, looking around the room with that dazed look in his eyes again.

Dean briefly considered asking for a sober angel but decided against it. Something was up with Castiel. There had to be a reason why he'd gone out and drank so much, why he was being so touchy with Dean. Instead he decided on just explaining what was happening in this God forsaken town.

''There have been these demon attacks, massive, right on the edge of town and we can't figure out wh-''

''Any signs of angels?'' Castiel interrupted, glancing at Dean before looking away.

''Sort of. They've been speaking to this Prophet...'' Dean started

''Who?'' Castiel once again questioned.

''This girl, Leah Gideon?''

''She's not a Prophet.'' He answered back straight away.

''We're pretty sure she is. Visions, headaches, the whole package. Everything that Sam had when Ole Yellow Eyes was around. ''

''The names of _all_ the Prophets are seared into my brain Dean. Leah Gideon is not one of them.'' He told Dean, before rolling his eyes and attempting to stand without the help of the table. He stumbled forwards and once again Dean caught him, grabbing a hold of him with both hands on both arms.

''Hey, Cas, come on. What's happened?'' He asked, catching those blue eyes and holding them.

A pause as Castiel studied him before answering in a bitter voice. ''The Apocalypse Dean.'' The bitterness and anger soured his words so much it shocked Dean.

"Well, apart from that..." He responded. Castiel only shook his head and swayed some more. Dean was pretty certain that sooner or later the angel would fall over and although he knew he couldn't actually get hurt from something as small as that, he didn't want to see it. Taking hold of Cas by the elbow Dean led him to his bed and sat him down on the end of it. There was more swaying, this time the angel coming dangerously close to falling off the bed, so Dean sat next to him. His hand snaked around Castiel's waist and held him steady.

"Alright. So why the drunkenness?"

"I felt like it."

"You don't normally feel like drinking a whole liquor store so why the change tonight?"

"You know you sound like Sam…when he's telling you off for drinking too much."

"Fuck. Well it can be harmful, I'm just looking out for you."

"I'm an angel Dean. Liquor does not affect our health."

"Right, it just makes you guys all sad or something. You know you can speak to me whenever you want."

"Of course I can Dean. I'm an angel. I can find you wherever you are." Castiel responded, giggling slightly before hiccupping. Dean shook his head but couldn't suppress a smile. "and I do like finding you Dean. I've never told anyone this, but you, well you could give Lust a run for her money!" Castiel told him, giggling some more and turning to Dean.

Dean winced as the strong smell of whiskey hit his nose. It emanated from Cas like a dark cloud. The angel leaned in closer, his hand moving up Dean's thigh. His lips puckered, ready for the kiss he was leaning in for. His eye's half closed, whether from lust or intoxication Dean couldn't tell, more likely it was a mixture of both. Realising what Cas was about to do, Dean moved his head back, avoiding the lips that normally he wouldn't hesitate to kiss. Castiel almost fell into his lap from the near miss. He sat up and looked at Dean with wounded eyes, his brow furrowed and lips almost pouting.

''Dean?''

''I'm sorry Cas, but I wanna know what's wrong first.''

''It's nothing. Just, nothing Dean.'' Castiel told him before standing up, swaying slightly. Dean stood up also and placed a hand lightly on the small of Castiel's back.

''Cas, come on. Please. What's wrong?

The angel kept his head down, his breathing heavy and loud. He stood stiff, still swaying but allowing Dean to touch him.

''Please?'' Dean whispered.

Castiel finally looked up at Dean and it almost broke his heart. His face was the epitome of sadness. The lines in his face deep and etched into the muscles. His lips downcast, even more so than usual. He staggered away and leant against the wall, hands on his knees as he breathed in deeply. Dean moved towards him and placed his fingers under Cas' chin. There was no resistance as Dean raised the angel's face upwards.

"Tell me." He whispered.

Castiel stared into those green depths, searching for God knew what but whatever it was he seemed to have found it for he stood up a little straighter and shook his head a little.

''I see you standing there, trying to be so strong for me and Sam but it's me that should be strong. You expect so much from me and I understand why. I'm an angel of the Lord. I should be able to do anything and everything you ever ask me to do. I should have the power yet I don't. I don't have anything other than this weakness I've been left. I'm powerless and weak when I should be strong for you. The whole word is going to Hell and all I can think about is how pathetic I am. I'm broken, broken and weak. I love you so much Dean but it's not enough. How can it be when the very end of the world is right around the corner?''

''Cas, no. That's not-''

''It is Dean! It's true. I can do no good. I used to be an angel of obedience. A good soldier, a warrior that was feared and now I'm just this broken shell that can't seem to do anything. It scares me what I am willing to do for you Dean. I'd kill for you; I'd die for you, for your love. I try to help you but all I do is mess things up. I swear Dean; I'm on the verge of running. I need you, but I'm starting to think that you'd be better off without me. You've done fine your whole life, you and Sam and then you met me and it all went to Hell. ''

''No, Cas no it's not like-'' Dean tried but before he could finish Castiel cut him off again, his voice a hideous monotone that was devoid of all feeling and emotion.

''Why would you need me? Why would anybody need a powerless angel? I see now why God cut me off from heaven. I don't deserve to be a part of that glorious haven; I don't deserve the Grace of God or his trust, his love. I disobeyed, by helping you I disobeyed. I'm not blaming you Dean. It was my fault. I was the one who decided to help you, to help you and Sam and this is the price I have had to pay for it. Every day I think about that and every day I decide it was the right choice but still I'm finding it harder and harder to go on Dean. I'm taking it day by day but I think there might be a time when I don't care anymore. I'm scared, scared that I'll just stop caring. Stop caring about you and that...I don't even want to think that Dean. ''

Castiel finally looked up at Dean, his eyes deep shimmering pools that held his tears in tightly. He'd never seen Castiel cry and even now he didn't think he would. There was such sadness there that Dean felt his own heart drop. It seemed to flutter as the creature he loved exposed all his fears. He felt sick that Castiel had been tormenting himself with all of this for so long and Dean hadn't noticed. Hadn't had the faintest idea that Castiel had even been thinking about leaving him. At that thought he cried out, his throat catching so the only noise he made was a small gasp.

Castiel couldn't leave him, not after all the things they had been through together. Dean knew that he'd found his soul mate. The one that he wanted to stay with, the one he _would_ stay with through thick and thin. If Castiel ever did run he'd chase him down until they were together again.

''I love you.''

''Dean, please don't-''

''I love you Cas.''

''I...''

''I love you.''

''Dean, I can't-''

''I love you Castiel.'' Dean said, stepping forwards and embracing the angel. Holding him close and feeling his body tremble. ''You're not going anywhere and you're not going to run. You're going to stay with me and we'll fight this. You're not pathetic and you're not weak Cas. I love you, you love me and we'll get through whatever comes our way. I don't want to hear about you running away from anything, you're stronger than that.''

He could feel Castiel's hot exhalations on his neck, sliding over him and causing goose bumps to rise up on his skin. Castiel's hands hung at his sides as he let Dean hold him. Frowning at the defeat he felt in Cas' posture Dean leaned back

''I mean everything I say Cas. Please, there's nothing to worry about. We're together here, now. Why does anything else need to matter?''

''It shouldn't but it does. We're not going to win this war Dean. The world is going to end and it's going to end bloody. Why should I fight that? How can I fight that?''

Dean opened his mouth to speak but stopped. How _could_ they fight this? He closed his eyes, sighed and gathered his thoughts. They couldn't worry about this, especially not when Cas was in this state. They'd find a way; they always did but not tonight. When he opened them again he saw that Castiel was dozing, or something like it. _Actually_, Dean thought, _I think my angel just passed out. _As this thought hit him he felt the deadweight of Cas' body and groaned. Knowing the best course of action was to get him into a bed Dean fumbled around until he had one of Cas' arms over his shoulder and his own arm hooked around his back. He made his way to his bed, knowing Sam would be pissed if he came back and found a passed out alcoholic angel in his bed. Dean almost lost his balance twice, the second time he came so close to crashing to the floor with Cas on top of him, but finally he managed to drag him onto his bed. He watched as he rolled onto his side, bringing his arms up to his chest but when he went to climb off the bed one of those hands shot out and gripped him tightly.

"Dean? Please…don't leave me." Castiel whispered, his voice low and slurred but the words were perfectly clear. As was the desperation and need, Dean wasn't sure if Cas meant for the night or ever but either way Dean wasn't planning on going anywhere. He leant back down and cradled Cas, who shuffled into his arms and curled up in his embrace. Dean's head was pressed to the angel's, his nose buried in the messy hair. He inhaled and closed his eyes before planting a soft kiss onto his head.

"No, I won't leave you. I'll never leave you."


End file.
